


This Lifetime Is Worth All The Rest

by SecondFromTheRight



Category: 12 Monkeys (TV)
Genre: 2x13 Memory of Tomorrow, F/M, Season 2, cole's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 13:05:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16388258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecondFromTheRight/pseuds/SecondFromTheRight
Summary: He thought he might have found forgiveness. He hadn’t fixed everything, he hadn’t gone back and saved 7 billion people in one move like he was supposed to, but maybe he’d played a big enough part to earn forgiveness, to earn her, to earn this life together.Maybe he did. Two years of so much happiness…it’s worth the lifetime of anything else. It’s not just something for him to believe in anymore, something to say and help motivate him through all this shit. He’s living that belief now. This will make it all worth it. Even if he doesn’t get to keep it, he still had it. And Cassie will be safe, alive.





	This Lifetime Is Worth All The Rest

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for this fandom :)

It’s rougher than his, her scar. Jones’ stitching isn’t on terms with Cassie’s. Her bullet wound is messier than his. That one at least, the first one she saw him take, the first one she sewed up. Though looking at his body it’s obvious Cassie, someone, is much more skilled than the people who have sown up all his other wounds. The knife to his stomach, courtesy of Ramse, the bullet to his shoulder, also from his brother, and that first one she watched him get hit with when he’d kidnapped her and taken her into that alley, trying to get through to her, trying to get her to listen. Desperate and ill-prepared and not having any real kind of clue what he was doing. Not about what was gonna happen, what had already happened, what was responsible, for all of it. The Mission. Those scars are all so much cleaner, neater, than the others he got before he knew her. He thinks they might even almost totally fade one day. Maybe, if he survives long enough for them to have a chance to.

“Hmm, what are you doing?” Cassie’s sleep-laced voice distracts him from his attention.

“Nothin’” he murmers back, continuing his stroking around the scar on the side of her stomach.

“Matching scars,” she mumbles into the pillow before she blinks her eyes open. “So romantic.”

His mouth quirks slightly but he doesn’t say anything, running his fingers back and forth. He won’t get to do this after tonight. He might not get to do it ever again, and he can’t stop thinking about everything, all of it, everything they’ve been through, everything that gave those scars. When she got shot, it wasn’t the first time he lost her, but it was the first time he thought he really might not get her back. He feels like that again now. It’s taken them so long to get to this place, to be together, and he has to give it up now. And even if they work it out, if she lets him in enough again, if he can be brave enough again, they won’t have this ever again. They won’t have normal, no worries. They won’t have this house. They won’t have a baby that can grow up in this house and play outside in the grass.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks, bringing his eyes to her. She looks up at him as he rests on his elbow. “I know we talked about it and you said you just needed time to get used to it but –“

“It’s everything I want,” He cuts her off. “It’s all I want. You,” he curves his hand around her stomach, watching as he splays his fingers over her. “Us. Having a family,” he swallows, briefly looking away before meeting her eyes again. “It means everything to me. You mean everything to me, Cassie.”

She smiles up at him. “Me too.” She whispers.

He stares down at her, memorising as much as he can before leaning down and kissing her, rolling them both so he’s top. He memorises the feel of her, how she kisses, how she grips his arms then reaches for his neck, his face. Things he might not ever feel again. Things he's not supposed to know after tonight.

“Cole.” She moans as he rocks inside her and it stills him, making him breathe even heavier against her neck.

“No.” he whispers, pulling back to look at her.

She gives the slightest confused frown as she stares back at him, trying to concentrate on something other than the feel of him inside her. Her face clears after barely a second, understanding. “James,” she breathes with a sigh that just about kills him. She closes her eyes and tips her head back, relaxing, blissful.

Cole starts moving again, kissing along her jawline.

“James.” She repeats, coming undone for him, with him.

What if she never calls him that again?

The only experience he had of her calling him by his first name before this life, this life he’s going to erase, was as she died in his arms. And then once when she was doing everything she could to distance herself from him, pretending to be his sister so no one could even guess to the feelings between them for even a second.

What if she never says it again?

What if she never says it like this again? With want, with love, without worry. Happy.

He thought he might have found forgiveness. He hadn’t fixed everything, he hadn’t gone back and saved 7 billion people in one move like he was supposed to, but maybe he’d played a big enough part to earn forgiveness, to earn her, to earn this life together.

Maybe he did. Two years of so much happiness…it’s worth the lifetime of anything else. It’s not just something for him to believe in anymore, something to say and help motivate him through all this shit. He’s living that belief now. This will make it all worth it. Even if he doesn’t get to keep it, he still had it. And Cassie will be safe, alive.

It’s gotta count. It has to be something when it feels like everything.

Going back, whatever else they have to face now to stop The Red Forest, The Witness, he can keep going, knowing he had this. Her. Them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope you liked it.
> 
> <https://secondfromtheright.tumblr.com/>


End file.
